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Two weeks ago, women from Liberty Manor walked the labyrinth at Sacred Heart Cathedral in Rochester. This is the third Lent we have been invited to offer labyrinth walks over a three to four day period, and the second that women from Liberty Manor have walked.

Here are a few of the journal entries:

· Today as I walked the labyrinth I asked God to give me the strength I need to make it through this journey I’m going through. When I was done with the walk I feel as though he is walking side by side with me.

· I felt like my father was holding my hand, just as he did when I was a little girl. I miss you, Daddy. Love you, Kristina, a child of God.

· The Bends represented life and events not knowing how things will happen but knowing God will see you through.

· As I traveled on my Journey through this beautiful [maze], it was like layers of troubles falling before me once I entered it and came out. It was like a breath of fresh air. Thank you, God. Thank you for giving me the strength to continue my journey. KG

· I want God to help me stay off drugs. Be with my kids.

· God, please be with all of these women that have come to pray to you on this day. Heal our hearts and open our minds to your will and your way. Please protect our soldiers as they protect our country. Guide us all, Lord. Allow us to be open to receiving your love.

· Father God, Use me with your unconditional love and your blessed grace to become the person I aspire to be; a vision, a replica of You. May Your Holy Spirit guide me in the love and understanding to build new loving lasting relationships with my children, my family, and my community. The One Called Precious

· Father God, Thank you for everything you have done for me and my children. I love you for being here for me in the bad and good.

· Please never leave me. I always going to need your grace. Love

It was amazing watching the women making their own finger labyrinth two weeks later. Some didn’t wait for directions—and had to start over. Some did theirs hurriedly . . . and it showed. Some struggled and had to pull up the dividing lines several times. And some focused intently and produced something beautiful and calm. Some of these women never finish anything, but they finished their labyrinth. Each recognized that the creation of their labyrinth mirrored their personal lives.

Olivia* didn’t have her heart in it. She was slumped over in her chair. She was thinking about leaving for the street that day—which would land her back into addiction, probably jail, or even death. I encouraged her to decorate the labyrinth in order to remember how beautiful she was. And she did. And she was still there, with a smile on her face, a week later.

After group another woman met with her significant other, the program director and her therapist. Suddenly she burst through the door and ran to get her labyrinth—beautifully done—to show them. Her smile covered her face—so different from just a few weeks before when she was angry and anxious about being at Liberty Manor.

Eighteen women made labyrinths that day, proud of their accomplishments and with a new awareness of their life journeys. After group I met up with three former LM residents, two who left under less than ideal circumstances, but all doing well—even after a stint in jail. That afternoon I talked with a woman who had almost two years clean and sober but went MIA (missing in action), hoping to help her get back on track. All in a day!

Welcome to 2009: The Year of Hope

Last year hope became a four letter word for me. In fact, I had become allergic to hope. Because of repeated disappointments in life, the hopes raised, the hopes dashed, my system finally said, ?Enough!? Each time a ray of hope dawned on the horizon, something automatically shut off within me, no cognition involved.

I don’t know if anyone else is calling this the Year of Hope, but I have decided that it will be. I hope I can convince you to join me.

So why hope now as our economy is falling down around us? Here are a few reasons:

First, hope is a choice, kind of like the half-full/half-empty glass. How will I choose to see what is happening around me? If I choose hope, not only do I become hopeful, I help others be hopeful . . . and it spreads. Plus, I discovered that I cannot live without hope. In fact, I will not live without hope.

Second, when I choose to be hopeful, I have energy to make choices in my own life that helps me be healthier.

Third, when I choose to be hopeful, I have energy to help solve the serious issues of our day rather than be part of the problem.

Fourth, I find hope through my faith in God as I see so many others doing?people in recovery, people struggling with depression, people who are losing their possessions.

Fifth, I have discovered once again that the practices I teach actually work when I use them.

Sixth, sometimes when things really fall apart, people finally wake up and find the courage to think creatively and change the practices that got us in this mess in the first place.

Seventh, I feel a new spirit in the air?a spirit of connection rather than isolation. People want to leave the old system of despair, disconnection, suspicion, fear and exclusion behind.

Eight, people are willing to change their lifestyles?to benefit others, the environment, to be more inclusive of others different than themselves.

Nine, there are signs of a new spirit of cooperation coming to Washington, where unity to solve our challenges is more important than political parties and the other things that divide us.

I read an article about Van Jordan, entitled, Greening the Ghetto. In the story, Jordan is talking to a group of about 30 high school dropouts, convincing them they can leave poverty behind by joining the green revolution. He talks about Barack Obama: “I love Barack Obama,” he said. “I’d pay money just to shine the brother’s shoes. But I’ll tell you this. Do you hear me? One man is not going to save us. I don’t care who that man is. He’s not going to save us. And, in fact, if you want to be real about this – can y’all take it? I’m going to be real with y’all. Not only is Barack Obama not going to be able to save you – you are going to have to save Barack Obama.”

Now, how is this hopeful? It is hopeful because we are not waiting for another Savior. We?ve already been told by the incoming President that it will take all of us to address the problems we are facing and not to expect miracles. It?s hopeful because it recognizes that we all have power and that by working together, we can change the world.

So, I am choosing hope for 2009 (remind me if I slack off) and I’m going to stay busy doing what I am called to do to help heal our hurting country and world. Hope you’ll join up!

Kerry wasn’t sure she liked Liberty Manor at all. Well, she was sure . . . she didn’t. I didn’t think she much liked us either, nor our program.

But Kerry is settling in. It’s great to see her gorgeous smile and big brown eyes and the enthusiasm she brings to nudging the women to do the video workout with her each day.

Liberty Manor is one of several sites where Project Empower linked with Rochester Voters Alliance (nonpartisan) to educate and register people to vote. Presently, only one of the women at Liberty Manor does not have a “record.” The discussions have been lively and only a few of the women over the past eight months have been apathetic about voting. For many of them it is a way of beginning to give back to the society from which they have taken much.

We have spent countless sessions talking about voting—and I’ve spent countless hours doing research to make sure I give them correct information. As the election approached, the women were getting more and more excited about voting and many of them in their 30’s and 40’s were voting for the first time!

Liberty Manor moved on October 28 to a gorgeous site by the river. The move, however, complicated their voting as they were registered at the old address. But not to worry. We had it all figured out. They voted by affidavit ballot at their new polling site—and had instructions in hand about how to get there.

Now, back to Kerry. Clearly frustrated she had received a letter from the Board of Elections stating that her voters’ registration was cancelled because she is incarcerated on a felony. Only, she’s not incarcerated—she was in group with us at Liberty Manor that morning! Incarcerated felons and felons on parole do not have the right to vote until they have finished their sentence and parole time. Kerry is a felon, but, a felon on probation. Felons on probation have the right to vote.

So after 15 minutes on the phone with the Board of Elections, I was told that it was state records that had indicated that Kerry was incarcerated (she has never been to prison) and so ineligible to vote. She could not vote by affidavit ballot, only by court order, which she was unlikely to get. The Department of Human Services had also informed her that her benefits would be cut off in November since she was incarcerated—which, of course, we have established that she is not!

So, I suggested calling the probation officer. I ended the conversation with the probation officer—a friendly, helpful, cheerful soul—with the promise she would attend to matters. About a half our later, she called back. A message had been left at DHS, and she had spoken directly to the Board of Elections who said they would reinstate Kerry’s registration with a faxed letter from the probation officer. That afternoon the officer was going to court and would correct the computer glitch that caused all this trouble.

I wish you could have seen Kerry’s beaming face—and then heard our hopeful conversation of where she was headed in life. At age 33, she’d never had a job and wanted to find something meaningful to do in her life but sadly said, “I can’t do what I really want to do because of my conviction.” I asked her what that was and she said she wanted to work with children. Her conviction of a felony DWI precluded working with children until seven years after he turns 18—7 years from now.

But miracles can happen when we are willing to step out of seeing the folks we work with as numbers and do a little advocacy. I told her that was the next thing we would start working on—the step by step process of regaining her place in society. After all, our motto is Changing the World One Woman at a Time by Changing the Energy Within, Between, and Around. One day I am confident that Kerry, with her internal energy change, will indeed be one of the women changing the world!

With her fresh faced and innocent looks, I had a hard time visualizing Charmain driving a getaway car. She didn’t look old enough to have a daughter that could rob anything, much less a convenience store.

Charmain started drinking before she went to kindergarten. She remembers sitting on her father’s lap sipping his whiskey. Her father later died of cirrhosis of the liver. Her drug and alcohol use exploded when her husband died in an alcohol-related car crash on Labor Day many years ago.

A few things set Charmain apart. In her months at Liberty Manor, Charmain didn’t complain about being there or rush to move on. She didn’t forget the past that brought her to Liberty Manor nor past incarcerations, stints at Willard—a three month shock camp for chemical dependency—or previous failures at treatment. With discharge approaching, she didn’t withdraw, even when after claiming she wanted independence she hooked up with a new boyfriend, also in recovery and with prison time. After discharge, she called me as planned so we could meet for lunch.

We sat on the balcony of Aladdin’s on Monroe—a place to get healthy and reasonably priced food—and a common hangout for Jimmy and me and friends. I had picked her up after her interview at the Red Cross where they will allow her to volunteer, even with her record, so she can return to her career as a phlebotomist. We ordered the Chicken Kebab Pitas and split a baklava with coffee, talking for nearly two hours, as the sun and clouds wrestled for prominence.

I raised the topic of the boyfriend, and surprisingly (from our experience with others) she said, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” We discussed why women with addiction so quickly hook up with men again, often the same one but with a different name and face. Distracted from the work of recovery, the new relationship often precipitates a relapse. She uncovered wisdom she didn’t know she had and learned skills to discern the health of relationships.

Knowing that we learn from what doesn’t work, I queried Charmain about the weaknesses of our program—she couldn’t come up with any, which of course is affirming, if a little overrated. Most helpful was the work on self esteem and confidence, the learning how to breathe and center, which we call living from a different place. Sitting at the end of the breakfast table one morning, she and two other “old-timers” decided not to let the negative energy of others drag them down. They chose to be energy changers instead. “Is it okay that we used your motto, ‘Changing the world, one woman at a time, by changing the energy within, between, and around’?’” Okay, indeed!

After lunch Charmain proudly showed me her new apartment, still with unpacked boxes as she scrubbed—and I mean scrubbed—the apartment from top to bottom.

Our next step is to develop a follow-up program for women after Liberty Manor to continue to develop their newfound self esteem, confidence and skills. Charmain will play a major role as she both desires to continue in Project Empower and is willing to help organize the program at the YWCA.

So, thank you for taking Charmain to lunch. It may seem like a small thing to us, but in taking her to lunch, we moved her from the “addict” to the “human” category—a worthy lunch partner and friend. We have chosen to support her long term recovery and the recovery of other women like her.

Published with Charmain’s consent

I’ve said it so many times, maybe under my breath, maybe only in my mind. Frustrated with myself for not getting more done. Frustrated with the traffic on the road or with the dogs when they won’t do what I want them to do or with not being able to find what I’m looking for. Or maybe I’m frustrated with other people because they’re not doing what I want them to do or expect them to do. Sound familiar?

How do we deal with the daily frustrations of our lives, on the job or at home or out in the community? What do we do when we feel anxious, angry, or afraid? We can feel the blood pressure climbing or the stomach churning or the shoulders and neck tense up. We know we’ll probably say or do something we’ll regret if we don’t turn it around. But how do we do that?

At Life Listening Resources, we are learning to engage in daily practices that empower us to change the energy of our lives. Instead of giving in to anxiety and frustration or to anger and fear, we are learning together how to create positive energy that creates safe places for us all to live and work. We call them LifeListening Practices because they help us listen to life so we know how to change our world in small, but important, ways. As you engage in all ten practices consistently from day to day, your life will change, your “world” will feel safer, and you will be empowered.

Centering: Live from the center of our authentic selves, staying balanced and empowered.

Self-awareness: Know who we are in ourselves and in relationship.

Empathy: Listen with compassion and generosity, cultivating awareness of what it might be like to be the other person.

Assertiveness: Engage others with confidence and respect.

Emotional maturity: Speak and act appropriately in all situations, being aware of our feelings and choosing helpful responses.

Connecting: Develop an ability to see the interdependence of all things and to live with an attitude of cooperation, seeking mutual benefit in what we do.

Story-telling: Learn to listen and tell our stories so we develop a shared narrative that enables us to transform our world.

Reframing: Speak out of our own values and perspectives, offering alternative ways of seeing the world.

Creative imagination: Expand our ability to see the world from different perspectives, creating new perspectives to old problems.

Nonviolent engagement: Choose the way of love rather than fear, responding to threats with creative confidence in the future.

These practices challenge us to become who we were meant to be, to learn how to live authentically. Many people live as they think other people want them to live-as their parents or spouses or friends or co-workers tell them they “ought” to live, or just reacting to what people do or say without thinking or without knowing their own feelings or desires. We are afraid to tell other people what we are feeling or what we want, if we do know it, because of what we think they will do. We are anxious and frustrated and often angry at ourselves and the world. These lifelistening practices can change your life and empower you to change your world.